I’m starting to feel uncomfortable about sharing private stuff on twitter, because more and more colleagues are joining the service and following me. If you’d like to follow me, I’m fixingfi on twitter
New twitter account
September 1, 2009Fantastic post on TMS and depression
July 29, 2009I loved this insight into TMS and depression.
It’s my anniversary today: 3 years sober :-)
July 29, 2009Today it is 3 years since my last drink. A lot has happened in those 3 years but to me, not drinking has been the best part. Through thick and thin, no matter what happened, I always knew that there was one really great thing that had happened to me, and that was that I had been lucky enough to “discover” sobriety.
I still occasionally get a brief urge to drink – it’s usually yearning for a specific taste. Bad things happening or stresses in my life do NOT make me want to drink. On the contrary, the worse I feel the more I shy away from booze.
My tolerance for drinkers has gone down. I look at groups of people boozing and joking about boozing and I hate it. I feel like the little boy in The Emperor’s New Clothes wanting to shout out “you idiots, can’t you see the harm it’s doing, to you, or to your loved ones? Why does society worship at the feet of this false god? Wake up and look at what’s in front of you, plain to see!”
A few weeks ago we had a reunion with some old friends who we haven’t seem for 15-20 years. None of them were drinking heavily (although I heard they did later in the evening – I headed home early) but the conversation was all about reminiscing about the “good old times” when we were young and wild. Didn’t we have such fun?
Yeah, right. Was it fun then that one of the group became a heroin addict? She was there with us, and she has been lucky – she is free of heroin addiction, as is her husband. Her life is saved. Two of her brothers died, though. Two of the other women in the group have husbands who are now alcoholics – not yet hitting bottom but it’s starting to be a major feature that is destroying their family lives and relationships. One guy with us that evening plays in a band. My husband asked what happened the 5 guys in the band he used to play in? “They’re all dead.” From booze or drugs or a combination of them….
And so the evening went on. Some people in the group may remember it as a fun evening reminiscing about the past. All I could see was who had survived, who was still sinking, and who was gone.
I didn’t mention that I had quit drinking, and nobody questioned me (didn’t notice I suppose). They probably all thought I was a bit of a downer on the evening though 
That was a bit hard. I would have loved to be loud and merry and the life and soul of the party, as would have been the case in the past. Instead, I felt like the spectre at the feast. (Anyone reading this is probably thinking, “phew, glad I missed out on THAT!”)
Afterwards I felt sad that I wasn’t able to fit in with the group as easily as before. Then I reflected, after they had finished their “fun evening”, they were going back to face their lives, filled with the damage caused by alcohol (and drugs). I was going back to my life, filled with a quieter satisfaction. But yes, I felt lonely that evening.
But I realise I don’t really need friends like those. I don’t need booze-fuelled evenings which are more about frantic escapism than real friendship and connection.
I may not see those old friends again, or rarely (it was a one-off reunion). I wish them all well.
And I feel so lucky that I have found sobriety. My life is not perfect, my mind is not perfectly at peace. But it’s not fuzzed up with booze-blind hysteria, denial and confusion. My mind is sharp.
The past 3 years have been a long and sometimes difficult journey of facing up to what it really means to be sober. It’s not just that I don’t drink. I try to understand what recovery really means, in my thinking, my relationships, my interactions with others. I realise how much in the past I was booze-blind: I don’t mean I was drunk all the time! Rather, I behaved in a way typical of a functioning alcoholic who grew up in an alcoholic family. Today I don’t drink, but I am still what they call an ACOA – Adult Child of Alcoholics. Every day I recover a bit more. Every day I understand my past patterns of behaviour better, and every day I overcome the past one step at a time.
So being sober set me on a long, hard journey, but one that pays off every day.
And I never have a hangover!
Being sober is not about giving up, it’s about regaining your life and your SELF, one day at a time. It is ultimately a very happy, and fulfilling journey.
I’m astounded by the generosity of the TMS “community”
July 28, 2009Since I read Dr Sarno’s books and realised that I have had TMS for years, onething that has amazed me is the generosity of spirit of all the people I have come into contact with.
For example, Dr Howard Schubiner has an excellent website which is not only a very helpful resource about TMS in its own right, but it also has links to many other resources.
Generally, I have often found that people who have websites about self-help and self-development programs generally only provide resources about what THEY can provide, and what books THEY have written, limiting most of it to teasers to persuade you to buy more. In the TMS arena however, many people provide lots of free content as well as links to other resources, even those that could easily be seen to be competing with them. But that’s the strange thing: there’s no feeling in this disparate “community” that anyone is competing with anyone: instead, there seems to be a genuine and strong desire to help educate and cure as many people as possible, even by providing resources that people can use for free and which my make it unnecessary to purchase further books, programs, or sessions.
I’m sure that behind the scenes there’s an aspect of rivalry within this world, as in any other, but if so it is not prominent and doesn’t stop people helping each other.
The TMS forum is another example: its members spend so much time and energy posting their stories and advice in order to help others. Talk about restoring my faith in humanity!!!
So I’ve decided to pay it forward by posting links here (even if it is possibly one of the least-read blogs on the planet) to the TMS-related links that have helped me. I posted some yesterday and will continue to post more as I find them.
Meanwhile, I’m back to Dr Schubiner’s website to watch his teleseminars!
On TMS and fear
July 27, 2009Great blog by Schubiner on how to deal with TMS-related fear.
TMS books
July 27, 2009The best TMS book to start with is Healing Back Pain by Dr John E. Sarno.
The Mindbody Prescription by Sarno is also very useful.
The Divided Mind is a more general work on the psychology of TMS and is very interesting.
I have read the books by Monte Hueftle and Fred Amir but they have not really added anything to my thinking about TMS. Sarno is the original and best!
Learning about TMS has been a life-changing experience. After 9 months of chronic severe back pain I was free of pain within a month. I am now working on resolving all the other TMS-related problems that I have developed over the years. It’s a fascinating, albeit psychologically difficult, journey.
Howard Schubiner on TMS
July 27, 2009It is truly amazing that some people can simply read The Mindbody Prescription and get better. I had a patient who only read the first 20 pages and his fibromyalgia symptoms disappeared. However, when the source of a great deal of tension in his life, his college aged son, came home for the holidays, his pain returned immediately.
For most of us though, it takes more, often much more. There can be several levels of ways of coping with our emotional issues. I have designed my TMS/MBS program to gradually urge people to understand and address any issues in their life more deeply and begin to cope with them more actively. In fact, I am adding some new material to the fourth week of the course soon.
Here are some of the levels (as I currently see them):
1. Learning that TMS exists, that emotions can cause pain
2. Understanding one’s own emotions, prior stressors, core issues that have lead to the physical and emotional symptoms
3. Starting to uncover these core issues and emotions in writing
4. Speaking the truth to oneself, through writing, meditating, reprogramming the mind
5. Recognizing hidden barriers in our own mind that may prevent us from getting better (see week 3 of the program); honestly asking ourselves the question: Why might my mind prefer to hang on to these symptoms?
6. Speaking the truth to others, telling others what you need, expressing anger or apology or forgiveness
7. Accepting what needs to be accepted; forgiving what needs to be forgiven
8. Doing things that we need to do, physical things (activities), but also things we want to do, and most importantly, figuring out what things need changing in our lives and actively working on those
9. Letting go of past issues, recognizing that what has happened “should” have happened and that fighting reality is a horrible way to live (see the work of Bryon Katie in week 4 of the program)
10. Creating our new self, deciding who we want to be and making that a reality, deciding how we will respond to issues and making that happen
There are many steps and each person may need more of one or more of another. It’s your job to figure out what you need to do. Fortunately, you have a great teacher in this process: yourself, i.e. your mind and your body. It will very clearly tell you when you are doing what you need to do and it will tell you when you still have more work to do. Our bodies talk to us in their language. It’s up to us to decode it. Unfortunately, it’s language is the only one it knows and it if often the language of pain. But pain is nature’s way of alerting us to the fact that there is something wrong. It may be that we just stubbed our toe or placed a finger on a hot frying pan, or it may be that we are stuck in a difficult situation at work or in a relationship. There is a recent research study done by Naomi Eisenberger at UCLA in which they showed that the pathways in the brain that are activated by emotional distress (in this case, a game where the person is excluded; i.e. social exclusion) are the same pathways that are activated by physical pain (i.e. the anterior cingulated cortex). This shows clearly that there is really no difference between emotional pain and physical pain. They are one and the same and the mindbody (as Dr. Sarno calls it) will decide which one (or both) we feel.
Our job is to listen. Our job is to pay attention to our bodies. They are trying to help us by being our teacher. Learn to see what events, emotions, and thoughts occur with increased and decreased pain. Be kind to yourself and to your mind and to your body. Start doing the work of healing yourself. There can be several steps as outlined above. And there is much work to be done for most of us, but this is the essence of being human. Our highest level of accomplishment is in seeing ourselves clearly, in taking control and making changes that need to be made with honesty and with kindness. It’s a fantastic journey that most people never approach. We are fortunate to be making this journey and we are doing it together. It isn’t an easy or simple journey, but the rewards are great.
Fantastic and feather-light apple cake
February 8, 2009
I baked a cake today and it’s the lightest cake I ever made. Here’s what I did:
In a bowl:
- 200gr butter
- 200gr sugar
- 1 tbsp golden syrup
- 3 eggs
- 250gr flour (sieved) with
- 3 tsp baking powder
- half glass apple juice
- one tbsp lemon juice (bottled)
Mix all ingredients. When texture is right (but still a bit too thick) add in 3 apples chopped into small pieces. (When you add the apple and mix it in the moisture in the apples makes the mix lighter so it has a soft dropping consistency: that’s why you want to leave it a bit too thick before adding the apples.)
Bake at 190C for 35 minutes in a doughnut-shaped cake tin.
I expected a heavy sponge with chunks of apple. Instead all the apple pieces melted and instead it was a super-light sponge with a thin crunchy crust. Absolutely delicious!
Getting positive feedback feels gooooood!
February 8, 2009Funny how life goes in waves. I was just saying to D today how nice it was that in the past few weeks I’ve been getting lots of positive feedback from people.
We agreed that if you are determined to try to do something nice for someone every opportunity you get, sooner or later the good karma will come and something good will come your way. Feels like it’s working!
